where in the world?

ok. so i still dont really know what i want to do with my life.
i mean. i really want to be close to God. but it's hard.
hard because i get distracted.
distracted with friends and music and video games.
yeah i'm a game nerd. so what. hah.

i really would love to do stuff with music.
i love playing guitar.
but at the moment - it just seems i've hit a wall.
like, i've learned what i've learned - how can i learn more?
i know i can learn more. just dont know where to go from... well, here.
if you will.
am i too old to take guitar lessons?
what about piano lessons? i'd love to do that.
i'm debating whether or not to buy a harmonica.
i think i will just for the heck of it. for fun.

but where do i go from here?
my conclusion is that of going to school for something.
i know i wont be any good to play music at any coffee shop.
not any time soon. so i'll keep playing and learning still,
but that's not where i want my focus to be at the moment.

i already know which school i want to apply for.
my mom doesn't really agree at all with my decision
but that's not stopping me from doing what i want to do.
see now that just sounds so selfish and mean. hah.
it's not. it's a matter of me wanting to do what i want for a living,
rather than wearing myself out doing something i abhor for a living.
maybe not abhor - but not enjoy at any rate.

that brings up the question - do we as kids absolutely have to do
everything that our folks tell us to?
or is there a "within reason" thrown in there somewhere?
i'd like to think there is.
maybe scripture tells us differently.
but apparently i havn't cared to look that up.
i should sometime.

i really miss reading scripture.
really the only thing i miss about being at my mom's place with my dad there.
always read the scriptures almost every night.
maybe at the time i didn't really care for it a whole lot.
but i learned lots. and it stuck with me.
but now i've forgotten so much.

all over the place tonight.. this morning..
whatever you want to call it.
seems i've left this open for something.
we'll see.
maybe i'll expand later on.
just what was on my mind at the moment.
spur of the... well you get the picture.

good night